This book delivered it. But do you see the problem there? Gone are the days when a book just delivers a good story or knowledge. We believe a book should do so much, then what about a life partner? Modern Romance explores this change in our expectation and how it came to be.
Modern Romance examines the initial mate searching evolution in the digital age. In this process Aziz and Eric interviewed, gathered data and spoke to some of the best psychologists, therapists, and scientists in the field. The research is pretty exhaustive. The first chapter answers the question, "Why are we so different from our previous generations in marriage?" Our previous generations did not have the kind of freedom we can afford to explore "emerging adulthood", where we get to explore getting education, different jobs, dating a few people; which results in us getting married later in life. That period in life also means geographical and social mobility. Now that women are able to have a fulfilling life, a marriage is no longer to secure financial and social stability. So the idea of marriage has become one of higher order calling from the point of experiential needs (refer to Marslow Hierarchy). When before, people settle for companionate marriage, now we all want a soulmate marriage. I really like this passage on pg 25 by Esther Perel:
"... So we come to one person. and basically are asking to them to give us what an entire village used to provide: Give me belonging, identity, continuity. But also give me transcendence, mystery and awe all in one".
Don't tell me you're not that kind of person. If you read all the reviews on TripAdvisor before booking a hotel, you have fomo. There's nothing wrong with that because we only want the best, right? No.
We cannot replace real dating experiences with the mere exchanging of a few messages in online dating app.
A dating app is meant to introduce people. Ultimately these people have to want to come together and connect on another level before calling it quits.
Technology is not all bad, in fact it is a wonderful bridge to people in creative ways but in reality we have a real world personality and a phone personality. It's easy to forget that there's an actual human being behind that device. And that the person is more than just a singular action of animated "typing..." in WhatsApp. In order to know a person better, we have to actually spend time with them. I've been told many times that dating is a numbers game. I don't believe in it. If it's a numbers game, then dating feels like the movie "Groundhog Day". I don't want to always just be introducing myself.
Like a computer game, I'd like to level up and go to the next tier to increase experience gain and unlock a new mission / weapon drop.
Conclusion? Read this book!